This week, as I wean off one anti-depressant so I can start another I find myself thinking about mental health more.

This is a hard subject for me, which if you’ve read my other posts that are full of personal information, you’re probably wondering why.

This will be my next series of posts, there is far too much to tackle to fit it all into one blog post.

I’ll start by sharing that one of my close friends completed suicide the summer before my freshman year of high school. It made no sense to me, we talked nearly every day on the phone that summer. He was in the ICU for some time before finally passing. While his pain was gone, my pain and confusion was just ramping up.

That summer I had also been passing out and having seizures which required a lot of testing and many medical appointments. So here I am, a 13 year old girl, dealing with a death and possibility of a pace maker in the same summer before entering my fist year of high school. One of these things is stressful enough, I’m sure you can imagine the toll three of them plus pubescent hormones had.

I remember one day at school was too much for me. I started hyperventilating, I cannot remember if I actually passed out but I do know that EMTs came to my school and I was lying of the ground in front of my locker with an defibrillator device attached to my chest.

That is when we had to tell everyone that if I pass out there were specific steps to take to bring me back and not to call 911. Embarrassed and traumatized from this mortifying event I found a place to lay every time I got dizzy or anxious after that.

Next post I’ll discuss stigma with mental health.