I realize there is nothing we can do because there’s a pandemic. My heart still breaks for my soon to be 8 year old who planned a birthday party for the beginning on May that is now cancelled.

This is something like we’ve never seen in our lifetimes. My kids act like it doesn’t impact them at all, though I know they missed their friends and they’d rather being at school with a recess or lunch with friends instead of being stuck at home with us all of the time. My service dog seems depressed because he doesn’t get to work and now he spends his days sleeping or trying to get squirrels out of trees.

I know it is not my fault that there can be no birthday party, and yet I still feel the guilt of it as a mother. Instead of spending his birthday with extended family and friends, it will just be us, still. His presents will have to be disinfected and not opened with his grandparents and Mother’s Day will not be a brunch we have this year. Most likely, this will extend to my 13 year old having no party as well, though his would have been less lively.

My therapist, who apparently makes amazing cupcakes (weird shit comes up in therapy), gave me a secret to making the perfect chocolate cake for when my boy turns 8. It will be topped with blue sprinkles, cherries and sparkler candles and hopefully that will be enough this year.