Holy balls, the holiday season is full of what feels like non-stop chaos to me from October through New Years. I know technically it’s not but when you already have chronic pain and chronic fatigue and barely mother as it is, it’s a lot.

Throw online school, which thankfully with my husband home is mostly ensuring my 8 year old doesn’t run off during online time. The fact that we can’t leave our house and they can’t see friends because I’m immune compromised and it’s a lot.

When holidays start it feels like a tornado in my head of things to be done, and things we normally do that we cannot. Our normal thanksgiving thrown off and me trying to compensate, poorly, for our normal meal and celebration. Christmas seemed even more overwhelming trying to schedule 3 Christmas celebrations, which we normally do 😳 to celebrations not on zoom but not the normal either.

Then there’s cleanup and taking decorations down and the emotional drop from all the hype and anticipation that was building before Christmas.

I need a break, or a girls weekend, but that won’t happen. I need a week of naps and not having to worry about taking care of living things other than myself. That won’t happen either.

The exhaustion of emotions, conversations and celebrating has caused my brain to suffer more than usual. I burned my arm on a pan, over a week later it’s still there, a deep red burn with dry skin on top. I slipped and fell in the kitchen like a fucking cartoon character, even though I had my cane and messed up my right hip like the cartilage was torn all over again. I feel like a 90 year old and I just want a break. I love my family but my body and my brain and tapped out.