Recently, I had an interview with the company that gave me my service dog, who is now 7, about what it will look like when he retires and I get his successor.

This process was hard and still is. My life and my abilities have changed so much since I first got Oak in 2016. My therapist, doctors and physical therapists have all been trying to give me “the talk” about what my mobility looks like. Moving from just Oak to Oak and a cane was hard. Transitioning to a walker is harder. While my pt and exercises can try to help me be healthy longer and hopefully slow my atrophy the reality (🤢) is that I should be transitioning to a scooter given my likelihood of falls and history of fainting.

I was sick to my stomach when that subject was brought up during this call because a person on the call knows well the station not wanting to use mobility devices even if it means less energy and more strain because of pride to “not look disabled”. I was told “it’s time for the talk”. My response was “no!”

In the mail today I received one of many MS related magazines I get and rarely actually read. For some reason, today, I read it. Right after an article that discussed all types of symptoms (which I have all the ones listed) was an add for a lightweight scooter. I had envisioned that to get a scooter I would need a truck and a winch to get it in the back. This scooter folds into carryon sized luggage you can put in the overhead compartment of a plane.

As life has kept throwing stress at me this year, it’s made my MS symptoms worse, my mood cranky and all my muscles into such a tight mass of tension there are no specific spots when I have needling done. So what has to give to ease the burden of my body and my brain that doesn’t work properly? There’s a part of me that protests with ever fiber of my being thinking about this next phase. Then there’s the less emotional part of me that knows this conversation has been happening slowly with so many of my medical team over the last 2 years that thinks maybe THIS is what has to give. THIS is the next step to ease some of my daily burden on my body and brain. Then, there’s the part of me that wonders wtf this isn’t covered by insurance?