With MS it’s always hard for me to tell if how I am feeling is related to MS being an exceptional asshole or something else.

This last week I went to the dermatologist for my annual (but this time it was two years) skin check. I had been weary of this check because I had two second degree sunburns last summer and skin cancer runs in both sides of my family.

They found a spot on my chest that needed to be removed. The doctor told me that it was going to be checked for superficial basal cell carcinoma or actinic keratosis. Just to clarify for those of you who don’t know, this is either cancer or “pre” cancer tissues. Obviously I’m a little stressed out about that whole revelation.

Yesterday when I changed the bandage in the morning it looked deep and I understood the mild-moderate pain I’ve been having since it was done.

Last night when I changed the bandage again the hole looked deeper. Normal wounds on my body take about three times longer than the average person since my immune system is suppressed for my MS.

Between the constant pain, mixed with excess pain from accidentally touching the spot it’s hard to tell if the extra fatigue and general feeling of blah is related.

You would think I would be able to differentiate what is MS and what is just additional stress on my body after living with it for so long. Unfortunately, I can’t, I basically live my life thinking everything is related to my MS or Ménière’s Disease unless someone proves otherwise.

I fall asleep super late, even with all the medications I take, I wake frequently in the night due to pain and when I finally get out of bed I feel as though I could go right back to sleep.

It’s exhausting, I know my body is using what tiny energy it may have to work on repairing the deep damage done to my chest. With kids, I cannot just go back to sleep, they want things like food, and attention, and love. So I haul myself out of bed and go into spoonie debt for tomorrow while doing my best today.

Knowing the added stress of worrying about what type of cells they pulled from me won’t subside until the results come in two weeks from now. This is MS, this is MY MS. Soon, this also may be my cancer, never in my life had I thought I’d be rooting for basal cell carcinoma, but here I am because it’s more common, easier to get rid of and less likely to spread beyond repair as long as you stay on top of it.