Sitting With Myself

This week, I’m exhausted.

My body feels like it has the flu, though I know it’s not the flu. My bones and muscles ache with each small movement. My exhaustion knows no end, though I have have had long and frequent naps.

With all the brave and fearless #ThisIsMS posts, I feel I have no place to complain. I’ve had numerous people respond to my MS with “you’re doing great, you can still walk”; which in fact yes, walking is a huge plus in the MS world.

What those people don’t understand is that my vocabulary used to be extensive and though I may currently be “above average” I used to excel far above in spelling, writing and communication. I used to be able to remember small facts like actually watching a movie or reading a book before. I never used to get confused about whether something I heard was an actual conversation with someone I knew or just something I heard on a podcast or show.

Balancing medications, schedules, and many other normal, motherly activities that I can’t even think of right now has me wondering when will I need to move to assisted living. Not because I am unable to walk, but because I forget to turn off the gas stove, or something else equally as important.

So today, I’m sitting with myself, trying to be comfortable with just that. Not thinking about what will come when, but with who I am now because I will never return to who I was “before” Multiple Sclerosis.